Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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