there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
