Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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