dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
