I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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