WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Im part way to drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize