you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
