Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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