OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
