I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
