she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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