Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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