Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
