I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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