Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize