her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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