K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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