I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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