I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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