Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
