I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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