I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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