First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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