so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
