Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
