I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
