found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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