My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
