East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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