i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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