I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
