Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
