You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize