im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your dad touched me again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
