hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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