i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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