I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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