If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jΓ€ger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
