Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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