I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
