im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
