he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
