Apparently you make a good broom.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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