I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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