So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
