the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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