So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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