hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
