Whod you bang
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
