Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
