About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
