My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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