Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
