A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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