Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
