oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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