If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
