I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me they were just razor bumps!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
