the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
