Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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