So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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