Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
