She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
