it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
