So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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