I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
