If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
