I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
