It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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