I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What a dumb baby whore.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
